At the church service that our Advisory Committee presented in Abbotsford two weeks ago, Gail asked a lady whose husband died two years ago to come to the pulpit and she asked her what it was like to be widowed. Helen told Gail that the thing she missed most was that she used to hear something either from someone or on the news and she would think, "I've got to tell my husband that when he comes home." And then she remembers that he isn't there anymore and hasn't anyone to talk to. If you have been widowed, can you relate to this? Could this be something that you miss the most?
even after almost 5 years, i still miss lots of things. yes, often i hear something, or see something new, or something in town is changing, and i think, he would have liked this, or too bad he can't see that etc.
never a day goes by that i don't think of him in some way.
also, as someone who has been both divorced, and widowed, i found that the people in the church treated me pretty much the same both times - a lot of them ignore me - perhaps they don't know what to say.
as a "family" you have a social life and get invitations etc, but suddenly, as a single parent family, you feel left out and don't really fit in.
Smiley, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Since you have experienced both the 'widowed,' 'divorced,' and 'single parents' points of view, your perspectives and input is very unique and valuable. Yes, it could be that those in church don't know what to say to you, however, that does not excuse us from making an effort. I believe our church needs to change drastically. People like you need to have a place where you can heal from the death of a spouse, loss through divorce and support for 'single parenting.' So many other denominations have these do but, we rarely do. This is a serious flaw. We profess to be 'the Children of God' and yet we are not Christ-like in our love and support for our own family members.
Would things like Divorce Care, Grief Recovery and Single Parenting have helped you in dealing with your losses, or am I just dreaming?
i am only almost 3 months late in replying to this but.....better late than never??!!
Yes, our church is waaay behind the times, way behind a lot of other churches in the types of support and outreach that we offer - in fact i have had to go outside the church because there was nothing for me in our own "family". very sad... i think partly because so many in our church have their heads in the sand....divorce is wrong, therefore it is not happening, therefore we have no need for support services. WAKE UP CHURCH! Even if, ( dream on ) there was not a problem with divorce in our church, or in churches in general , there is death, ( widows and widowers), and there are many people OUTSIDE the churches who are hurting with these, what an outreach we could have.... Yes, I have been hurt by, rejected, left out of our "family" many times, but we are still family, and my faith is in Jesus, not people....
time to sign off, before i really start rambling...
Thanks smiley. I would agree that our church is behind the times. When we look at the life of Christ we see that he associated and helped all kinds of people not just the marrieds or families. As a church we should be following his example and reaching out and helping all kinds of people, not just having marriage retreats and/or family retreats.
Now as the Family Ministries Director, I have the opportunity to get things going in our conference. It would be good if I was able to encourage our churches to have Divorce Care, single parenting, grief recovery things going for our members as as outreach into the community. However, I have 6 other departments and just began a Men's Ministries and SAGE this past year and can only scim the surface on all of them. Who knows, maybe in the future it will happen.
I too had a similar experience, smiley. In my past I have some abuse issues and when I hit my low point I had to go to other denominational churches for support. Yes, we need to do better in our churches but, there is sooooo much to do, so few who will contribute and so little time to do everything.