04-04-2008, 10:24 PM
Our extended family has a wonderful treasure in our Aunt Violet. When I was a small child there were times when my family needed her support to take care of me, and she did so with great love and gusto. She was a single and had no children of her own, but she was a did at heart and had a real fondness for people. I'm positive that Aunt Vilet entered my life to teach me how to celebrate the specialness in those I care about.
Aunt Violet kept a sutffed, white, fluffy kitten on her bed. It was special to her yet she let me play with it until I wore the fur off of it. She made sure it was there every time I came to visit. She planned special outings to the zoo and the park. We went to every Disney movie at the drive-in theater in her Oldsmobile and feasted on popcorn and cokes. She kept a blanket and pillow ready just in case i got sleepy. There was a special place in her cupboards for my place setting so Ic ould get to set the table in her sunny kitchen. She gave it to me when I got married.
Some of the most fabulous recipes I've ever tasted were in her home. I'm sure they tasted better because she made me feel so special and I loved her so much. Every time she came to visit, she brought her famous cookies or her special spice cake, which she knew was my favorite.
There were times when she taught me lessons of safety, or hygiene or politeness. But the lesson that's lasted longest was the importance of specialness. Aunt Violet taught me how to invite people to feel special and worthwhile.
Did you have someone who made you feel that special when you were little? How did they invite you to feel this way? What can you do today to help someone in that way?
Here are some kind ways to make a kid feel special:
- Smile and shake his hand when you greet him. If he is tiny, get down to his eye level to do it.
- Talk directly to him, not through the adult he is with.
- Use your sense of humour and playfulness to connect with your special kid. Throw in a few corny knock-knock jokes, the old disappearing quarter act or a few crazy handshakes.
- Send him a short personal note with a greeting, affirmation or thanks for the chance to get to know him. If he is very young, print clearly and extra large.
- Take pictures of him that he can keep in his own room. Send him one each week. If you order double prints, you'll have enough to use the extras to make a personalized book. Buy coloured posterboard and cut it into pices measuring 5 by 7 inches. Glue a picture on each board and write a caption below it. An example is to title it with the person's name: "Ethan: My Special Book." This is where you can get really creative. Hope-punch the boards and connect them with a metal ring binder. The kid will feel very special about this act of kindness.
- Plan an outing with him alone. This allows him to have your full attention and not have to compete iwth a younger sibling or friend.
- Create a special space in your home for the child to go when he comes to visit. Make it a creative place. Collect assorted "junk" - toothpicks, old shaped containers, chunks of wood, etc. Find a surface that can't be harmed. Stock a box with glue, scissors, pens, pencils, tape and rulers. Encourage the child to create something from the odds-and-ends. Include an old apron or shirt to protect their clothing.
- If the child visits periodically, set a cupboard aside just for his things. Kids like boundaries and spaces just for themselves.
- Tell him stories about his passages of time: "I remember when you were five and you learned how to skip, I was so proud of you for working so hard and staying with it."
- Remind him of his uniqueness, special characteristics and the qualities you see in him. Be careful not to compare him with others. When you make comparisons, someone always comes up short.
- Be sure to remind him of what you get from him, kindness is a two way street if you do it right. For example: "Thank you for the gift of your special hugs, they make me feel great!" Make everyone a winner.
- Keep a gallery dedicated to him: his drawings, awards, poems and any newspaper articles highlighting him. If he's never been in the local paper, send him a message in a classified ad. It's relatively inexpensive and he will feel very important.
- Share yourself with him. Let him know who you are - joys, sorrows, successes and failures. Kids really need to model people who aren't afraid to take risks, make mistakes and celebrate their successes.
- If you can, commit to him that you will be an extra listening ear when he needs to work out a problem. A listening ear is different from an advice giver. Only give advice if he asks for it. It's much more powerful to help kids with the strategies for working out their own safe and positive solutions to challenges. It's better that you are a resource than the solution-finder.
- Kids need to be touched in a nurturing way as often as possible. A playful way to give a kid a hug is the "oreo Cookie" hug. Get another person and yourself and place the child in the middle, then hug the daylights out of him. The two people on the outside3 represent the chocolate cookies and the child is the cram filling. After you hug him give him a little tickle and say, "Now we get to fiddle with the Oreao middle." It's corny but fun!
- Allow yourself to really enjoy your time spent with the child. The ongoing act of kindness will have a rewarding effect on your and lasting influence on the special kid.
From Acts of Kindness by Meladee and Hanock McCarty
Aunt Violet kept a sutffed, white, fluffy kitten on her bed. It was special to her yet she let me play with it until I wore the fur off of it. She made sure it was there every time I came to visit. She planned special outings to the zoo and the park. We went to every Disney movie at the drive-in theater in her Oldsmobile and feasted on popcorn and cokes. She kept a blanket and pillow ready just in case i got sleepy. There was a special place in her cupboards for my place setting so Ic ould get to set the table in her sunny kitchen. She gave it to me when I got married.
Some of the most fabulous recipes I've ever tasted were in her home. I'm sure they tasted better because she made me feel so special and I loved her so much. Every time she came to visit, she brought her famous cookies or her special spice cake, which she knew was my favorite.
There were times when she taught me lessons of safety, or hygiene or politeness. But the lesson that's lasted longest was the importance of specialness. Aunt Violet taught me how to invite people to feel special and worthwhile.
Did you have someone who made you feel that special when you were little? How did they invite you to feel this way? What can you do today to help someone in that way?
Here are some kind ways to make a kid feel special:
- Smile and shake his hand when you greet him. If he is tiny, get down to his eye level to do it.
- Talk directly to him, not through the adult he is with.
- Use your sense of humour and playfulness to connect with your special kid. Throw in a few corny knock-knock jokes, the old disappearing quarter act or a few crazy handshakes.
- Send him a short personal note with a greeting, affirmation or thanks for the chance to get to know him. If he is very young, print clearly and extra large.
- Take pictures of him that he can keep in his own room. Send him one each week. If you order double prints, you'll have enough to use the extras to make a personalized book. Buy coloured posterboard and cut it into pices measuring 5 by 7 inches. Glue a picture on each board and write a caption below it. An example is to title it with the person's name: "Ethan: My Special Book." This is where you can get really creative. Hope-punch the boards and connect them with a metal ring binder. The kid will feel very special about this act of kindness.
- Plan an outing with him alone. This allows him to have your full attention and not have to compete iwth a younger sibling or friend.
- Create a special space in your home for the child to go when he comes to visit. Make it a creative place. Collect assorted "junk" - toothpicks, old shaped containers, chunks of wood, etc. Find a surface that can't be harmed. Stock a box with glue, scissors, pens, pencils, tape and rulers. Encourage the child to create something from the odds-and-ends. Include an old apron or shirt to protect their clothing.
- If the child visits periodically, set a cupboard aside just for his things. Kids like boundaries and spaces just for themselves.
- Tell him stories about his passages of time: "I remember when you were five and you learned how to skip, I was so proud of you for working so hard and staying with it."
- Remind him of his uniqueness, special characteristics and the qualities you see in him. Be careful not to compare him with others. When you make comparisons, someone always comes up short.
- Be sure to remind him of what you get from him, kindness is a two way street if you do it right. For example: "Thank you for the gift of your special hugs, they make me feel great!" Make everyone a winner.
- Keep a gallery dedicated to him: his drawings, awards, poems and any newspaper articles highlighting him. If he's never been in the local paper, send him a message in a classified ad. It's relatively inexpensive and he will feel very important.
- Share yourself with him. Let him know who you are - joys, sorrows, successes and failures. Kids really need to model people who aren't afraid to take risks, make mistakes and celebrate their successes.
- If you can, commit to him that you will be an extra listening ear when he needs to work out a problem. A listening ear is different from an advice giver. Only give advice if he asks for it. It's much more powerful to help kids with the strategies for working out their own safe and positive solutions to challenges. It's better that you are a resource than the solution-finder.
- Kids need to be touched in a nurturing way as often as possible. A playful way to give a kid a hug is the "oreo Cookie" hug. Get another person and yourself and place the child in the middle, then hug the daylights out of him. The two people on the outside3 represent the chocolate cookies and the child is the cram filling. After you hug him give him a little tickle and say, "Now we get to fiddle with the Oreao middle." It's corny but fun!
- Allow yourself to really enjoy your time spent with the child. The ongoing act of kindness will have a rewarding effect on your and lasting influence on the special kid.
From Acts of Kindness by Meladee and Hanock McCarty