Single adults are considered by many to be a great mission field because so many do not attend any church. But what those of us in the local church must not forget -- is that God uses single adults in reaching the world. So many of the early church planters in the Bible, that Luke talks about in the Book of Acts, are believed to be single adults. In recent times, there has been a vision for single's ministry since the early 1970's. That vision has not changed over the years. It has always been to reach sngle adults with the gospel message of Jesus Christ; then to encourage, equip, and empower them to live as growing and maturing Christians. Unfortunately, still today, many churches do not view singles as leaders -- they view singleness as a phase of life to get through while waiting for leadership responsibilities to start once they are married.
A misunderstanding by many churches is the belief that the purpose of a single adult ministry is to provide a place for singles to meet their future mate. Although many single adults do meet and get married -- the goal is not to be a match making; but, rather provide opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. First, everyone needs to be growing in their relationship with God. Indeed, most single adults will marry at some point in their life -- but, why wiat until they marry before we start to incorporate them into the leadership of the church. Corporate America recognizes their value -- for many single adults are teachers, managers, insurance agents, musicians, therapists, nurses and entrepreneurs (and the list could go on). It is also important to remember -- not all single adults will marry; and they should not be made to feel like they are worth less if they remain single. There are great benefits to the church by having a healthy single adult ministry. The benefits are: Church Growth, more leadership from laity and those that do get married should be better equipped for marriage through relationships building skills and pre-marital counselling.
So...........Just what do you think Adventist Single Adult Ministries is?
Could it be a support group of a church that mistreats it's single members? Or is that too strong a discription?
Darlene,
I've experienced the whole spectrum in my experience with single ministries. Unfortunately, I would have to say that the church has largely gotten a failing grade in its attempts at ministry in this area. I have experienced or personally know people who have experienced prejudice, thoughtlessness, and heartache trying to negotiate the waters of discipleship within the SDA church as a single adult.
Lately (within the last eighteen months to two years) I have started seeing signs that the church is trying to get real about the issue of being a viable, accepted single who is valued for talents and given more opportunities to minister and participate fully in church life. I recently attended a seminar at my church that was supported (for lack of a better word coming to mind) by our local conference where the topic was the issue of being single in the Adventist Church. There is research, although limited, that suggests that the prejudice and isolation many of us have felt for years has not been our imagination. Many people just don't stop to think and aren't being intentionally non-inclusive. Fortunately, this has been seen as a wakeup call among Conference personnel and we are beginning to see some signs that things are changing. There is hope!
I belong to a large congregation and my options are obviously substantially enhanced by that fact, but I have had much success in finding an informal group of like-minded individuals who get together on a regular basis for fellowship, support, and social enjoyment. This makes me the exception rather than the rule but I pray that won't be for long.
HEY 1STBORN
I AM glad you posted and I Enjoyed your comments
dgrimm60
Hi 1stborn! I'm so glad to have you join and add your comments! We need more people like you.
Yes, you have experienced the 'being single in the Adventist Church.' I agree that our church needs to change to accept both marrieds and singles as equally worthy candidates for heaven. And how is that going to happen? I believe it will only happen on the grassroots level. As singles themselves become aware of the problem and develop a healthy 'singles' concept then the leaders will see that a change needs to be made.
In the early 1990s while working as a secretary in our conference office and the Single Adult Ministries President for several years I would take a week of my vacation to prepare for our Fall Retreat. Finally one year when I was secretary to the president he saw what I was doing and got after me and asked why I would take a week of vacation to prepare for the retreat. His exclamation was 'No!' Single Adult Ministries is part of the church, you can't use vacation time to do that!" He gave me back my vacation time and made ASAM a part of a department. That was several years ago and since that time we have always had a budget just as Men's or Women's Ministries and it is considered a department of the conference. Too bad other conferences don't follow suit. At the NAD, ASAM comes under Family Ministries. Now that is certainly better than it used to be. However we have a long way to go in making it a part of the local church where the ministry occurs.
So, singles, what will we do about it? Yes, I mean you and I! So often we as singles think we can't do anything. We can't participate and help to lead. I guess we want to be free and not accept responsibilities because they tie us down. That is sooo very sad. If we want to see change happen in our church we, you and I, need to grab ahold and run with it. Change will not happen unless we do something about it.
Many have asked why I play such a large role in this forum and I tell them that "I'm out to change my church." To change it into the kind of church that accepts both married and singles as equally worthy candidates for heaven. That is why this forum (though not advertised) keeps going. Because we, as singles make it happen!
(Yes, I'm finished with my preaching now!
)
Thanks for the warm welcome dgrimm and Darlene! I agree that change happens most effectively when we grab the reins and take control. Otherwise, we have no right to complain IMO if all we're doing is sitting back, waiting for someone else to step out before us, and complaining about our church life involvement, or rather the lack of it.
I'm fortunate to have a wonderful church family and friends that are commited to discovering and using the talents that so many singles would love to share. I won't deny that some of the things I've undertaken have taken me out of my comfort zone at first but I'm so glad I've had the experiences.
I have to thank you so much Darlene for taking the time to put a forum in place for singles to enjoy topics especially relevant to us. I'm going to tell all my single friends about this site and invite them to join. As singles we have a lot to offer and it's time, rather past time, for us to start doing it!
Yes, 1stborn it sounds like your church is a very good and accepting place for singles. We need more churches like that. I know that many of our churches are quite small and it is difficult for the singles in these kinds of churches to experience the fellowship of other singles, that is unless they have an active district singles ministry. Maybe more of our smaller churches need to band together and have district singles ministries.
I think you also right in saying that we need to grab the reins and take control of this very important ministry and in our church life involvement.
In Canada there are more singles than marrieds now - 51.689% single. So it's high time we do something for the singles in our churches and in turn reach out to the singles in our communities and invite them to come along with us to our heavenly home.